T.F.R.
I'm sure my last had a purpose. But I was upset. I had thought, I went thru all of the options.
I had.
but, I made the right choice.This blog is NOT for self-pity.
the last blog was only self-pity.
But self-help, and the help of you guys. So, today I will explain the situation, okay?
As written earlier, my brother has raped me and letting the other one watch (as in saying, it's okay.) and now several years later with the problem "solved." I say, it still continues. But with the brother that watched it.
Yes, so now, the attack of rape is lurking around the corner.
I am terrified, yet completely calm.
Let me tell you why.
Rape, is scary. (No duh, sherlock)
But, I will NEVER let some one do that again.
He(my brother) smacked my butt, asked for kisses, and done shit. and You know what i did?
I slapped him straight across the face.
I told my dad, asking him not to say.
He didn't but he told me I was the only one who knew, and it was my job to help him now.
I tried.
It had no reaction.
Turned out he assualted another girl.
She did nothing.
And now, I'm scared it will be coming soon.
The rape lurks around the corner.
All hell will be raising, I feel it.
I tried telling my parents
THEY CALLED ME A DRAMA QUEEN!
It really is hard to deal with.
I'm scared, worried,
but completely fearless.
I will not allow it.
Do you hear me?
I will not allow it.
And neither should anyone else.
So, I feal as though, this pain I have been thru all my life...will never go away, it is a part of me.
But, somehow, I know, differently.
I guess, you could call it hope.
Will someone tell me, I'm not alone. . .
"I'm just searching for unfailing love" but isn't that what we all are looking for,in the end?
Love,
Amanda.
rape: being taken advantage of in a sexual manner. I will never allow someone to rape me again.
So, then Why do I have sex with a boy, that I know (in my heart/he's said so/he is my ex) loves me anymore. I do it to stay close. Because I love the adrenaline and it's better than drugs...right?
But, on the other hand, isn't he taken advantage of my body?
1 comment:
Who would really kno what to say to you about this dear lonely one when you have been through a situation that most women fear but can not truly understand if they themselves have not gone through it? All I can tell you is that you are still so young and to have this control your life will end up destroying you. It is at this time that I ask you to be brave and have courage. We all know that family can hurt you more than any stranger but just because they are family it DOES NOT give them the right to cause you this kind of pain. I think I read on a previous blog here that your brother struck again with another girl. That has to stop. You have to say something to prevent future women from being violated in this way. Will it make your pain and fears go away? Not exactly but at least the cycle won't continue because truthfully how much longer can you go on knowing that you knew the truth and could have stopped him but did nothing. Dont add another torment to your life when you have so much more to do and experience as well as the possibility that you will have so many other things to be tormented about as you live on. Be brave little one. Fight.
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