THank-you: everyone.

The Future of Repair.
T.F.R.

I think I'm going to be okay: thanks to everyone whom every read, or helped and supported me. 

The real me,(who's name is not amanda. ) now has a blog. 

New blogs rock : ) 

Burnt Out

The Future of Repair.
T.F.R.

I've got the candle.
Do you have a match?
It's entirely of wax.
So,it's all in the steady, steady move of your hand.
Please do not slip. Just stay steady now.
Before I was ready.
I was enlighted with love for the dark cold (k)night.
It gave you guidance
It gave you warmth
It gave you light. 
You let it burn,you go to get a candle holder.
Is this for my...
No,no only to keep you from getting burnt by our fire.
It gave you guidance
It gave you warmth
It gave you light. 
You let it burn out. 
When the wind hit hard you stayed steady.
But when the calm came you let me go.
Said you'll make it with the light of the stars and the moon.
But before we knew the sun was shining bright.
Only as if you knew my time with you would not last and was now through.
I gave you guidance
I gave you warmth
I gave you light. 
And now I'm melted away, but you're doing okay.
I've still got my candle,you'll never get another a match.
It's not like a lighter, you only get one chance. 

 
Feeling used, noticing when it's too late.

Spending so much time with one person, having it amount to what it was before - nothing.

 Sometimes, it's worse. Sometimes we long for what we can no longer have, there will always be that tension when we pass by that person.

Late Night Dreamings of you. 

 By the way, It's spelled THROUGH just for you ;) 

Made. It . Through

The Future of Repair.
T.F.R.

 

The Family is still here.

  

Boyfriend came over. . got the third degree by all my cousins. 

It was fun.  . . 

Grandmom is still alive (despite all the eggnog she drank.)

And so am I.

 Happiness.

I made it through 

  Happily.

I.may actually be

happy.

 

 

Holiday Seasons

The Future of Repair.
T.F.R.

The Holiday  Season is    coming. 

Got any traditions? All mine are about dysfunction.  . . 

I'm Scared, for these upcoming holidays . .  

If I am okay, repaired, or happy or whatever it is that I want to be . . . 

Will this time with my family not show it through? 

Holidays will show who I am, and how I am. I  am suppose to be happy.

But, am I? Will I be? 

I was not last, nor the year before last. Maybe this year I will.

 

The process of a tree losing is beautiful. Losing leaves and yet without them still remains such a wonder, such a beauty. The entire being of a tree is an amazing process. The tree holds many  purposes in todays world.  I can relate remarkably to   a tree  . . .  Relating to a tree more than most people I know of . . . I know this isn't sane but, is it insane? Not nearly. 

 The leaves have fallen. 

 The leaves are gone.

 The trees still stand, with out  the leaves.

 The trees are still beautiful. 

The Hope is still embedded within the bark of a beautiful,strong tree. 

Wish me Luck. 

Hope goes to you, as well, on this holiday season. 

Dear ____-,

The Future of Repair.
T.F.R.

I s'pose whomever it is, I owe a thank you too. Whether it is Time,The People of this Blog, or one of my friends. Thank-you.

Today,My mom angrily asked "What are you,worthless?" 

I hestistantly responded with a simple "No."  Although, weak and meaningless to most. This lonely single word was powerful. Because, for the first time in a long time....I think I actually believed it. 

I have a purpose. I purpose which is not done.

Today a sliver of hope rest within my body, straight to the bone. 

Today a shiver of Wind chills upon my skin, without an  achy tone. 

Today, this shiver of wind is Hope.

As the leaves fall, I wish for the Hope to live strong. 

Because I still need to know where I belong, 

Questions?

The Future of Repair.
T.F.R.

The blog was under construction 

I've come to decide. My life is about choices. It can get to you or not effect you.

It can lead you to your death.

or to your future. I'm here to learn from my story. And to help others.

Got questions about my life? 

Read the oldest blogs. Then ask.

I'm lost needed a road map. 

Depression, on and off

The Future of Repair.
T.F.R.

 
 

Did some one tell American Family (CHNL 25 )  about my blog?

Seriously?

I could've made money outta this?! Haha, 

For Real. Secret Life of the American Teen?. Lame version of me. 

I honestly, have been okay lately. The guy I've talked about, W/ the miscarriage & all? We are back together. I honestly think we might get married. 

My family life as completely evolved. Things are all on the up and up.

MY friendships are pretty solid.

I now have a Job

&

Sometimes, I still feel alone. Some people have heard the expression of hearts beating faster when you are with the person you love .  . . And When I am not. When I am alone. Or all to myself . . . I can feel my heart going slower. Like The Depression is hovering right with me. I feel as though It might not ever go away . . .

Suidical thoughts leave.

Depression goes away,right?

With out Medication?

Am I normal?

Do I fit in?

Do I want to fit in?

How do I decide where I belong in this world?

Is there really Future to my Repair?

Repair: as in something is broken?

Am.I.Broken?