T.F.R.
Wow, I was so excited to see people are acutally willing to help.
To answer, yes, blogging is helping.
Now I promised a little back round of myself. I said that I believed I was just the typical American teenage girl. And I'd leave you up to decide. So well, here is the truth.
(I'm sorry it's a bit long. . .but hey, it's my life)
I have no extended family
My grandmother is crazy and in "the ward"
The rest are dead.
Or way too far too visit with no contact anyways.
I grew up in a Christian Home.
Just because I say Christian or God please don't disconnect
I was raped and abused for most of my childhood.
Middle school sucked.
6th grade The raping stopped. The abuse still continues to this day. I just know I am not in any real harm.
middle school I went on a Missions trip Thanking God for always being there.
I tried to live my life for God.
The end of 8th grade summer. . I confessed what happened to me (rape) to a good friend of mine. He told me i had 20 days to tell my parents. but in the mean time he told a counselor. The counselor told the youth pastor. The youth pastor told the lead pastor. The night after my 13th birthday, the two nights before I had to tell my parents, I had a plan to commit suicide. That same night The lead pastor told my parents. By that time they had thought it was just a rumor. But it was the truth. I thank my friend, other wise I wouldn't be here.
(my dad gave my a purity ring, I threw it back to him that night. Later on, reaccepting it. )
Freshman year. I started realizing my own beliefs. I started questioning things. I started finding my true friends. I started finding the true me.
The start of Freshman year, one of my best friends moved away. I now believe that was for the better.
I also started a serious relationship.
I was starting to love who I was. However, my relationship with Christ was diminishing.
I go to a school were everyone thinks they know/ must know everything about you.
(if drama was vodka my school would be wasted)
I try to avoid it as best as possible. In reality, I don't like 80% of the people there.
Sophmore year I am still with my boyfriend and am closer to my friend then ever before. Turns out she was really good for me.
The church i went to hurt me, but that doesn't mean i should give up on God.
I now see how most of the people there, are fake. I changed churches. I decided I did not want to be apart of that.
I got pregnant.
I had a miscarriage.
My boyfriend was still there for me. He never left my side. I never told my parents though. . .No one knew except for us. . and now you.
My boyfriend and I broke up a while later.
We are still best of friends. He downgraded. hah.
My other bestfriend is kind of upset, she was my best friend. Now I have two.
Well, now you know my age. I'm a junior in high school.
thanks again,
T.F.R
6 comments:
How coincidental...I'm a junior in high school - and I was technically raped my freshman year. By "technically" I mean that I was manipulated rather than physically forced, which, while it does not do as much damage psychologically, it forces self-questioning and deprication, leading to my multiple suicide attempts after the whole school found out that I was a "hideous whore" (though they probably had no clue what they were jusging on). For the past year or so, I've dedicated myself to the psycholgical relief of those around me. I've researched and studied enough to pass as a junior psych major. If you wish, you can consider me your ametuer therapist. If not, well, I'll continue to leave my thoughts on your blog.
Hi T.F.R.,
Did the raping start in you own home? Did your mother know? How do you feel when you are at home(yes, I know you said "you don't want to go home....Because of you"
You see if you want to get this out in the open, you'll have to honest to yourself, You will have to find the subject of your unhappiness and I believe it lies in there.
Now from your postings I get a picture of a young girl with tremendous inner strength when she applied her mind to it - so do it girl!
You have survived continuous raping and abuse, you survived lost friendships ( and believe me I know that for a young girl that can be disastrous), you silently suffered a pregnancy and a miscarriage.
You have two good friends (you will notice that I said 'good', not 'best' because I believe that you only 'best' friend will one day be the man you marry, I say this because I believe that you must be friends as well as lovers to make a marriage work - but that is still in you future.
So, start by thanking the Lord every day that He gave you a friend who made sure that you had a friend who did the right thing to report the raping, thus saving your life. Keep your faith, because I believe with my whole heart that there is a God and that He watches His children, although sometimes His methods are a bit strange.
I will be back tomorrow, so for now look after yourself.
I left a comment on your first post explaining how I found your blog.
I don't know if I can say anything real, true or useful about your confessions of rape. I have never experienced anything like that myself and I cannot imagine how to cope.
I can tell you that if you've been suicidal at all you should probably see a therapist. I know that sounds cliche to say, but as a product of therapy myself, it did wonders for me.
In addition, I think I can relate to some of your religious issues. I grew up in a pretty strong Christian home and myself was pretty much a "Jesus Freak" for my first three years of high school before events made me start to doubt things. I pretty much refused to acknowledge any sort of religion for the next 4 or so years and have slowly come to a sort of compromise, based on intellectual pursuit of spirituality and not on the faith of my teenage years. There I might be able to help, if that means anything.
I look forward to reading more of your writing.
I think you may be too young to be having sex...expecially with a guy who doesn't seem like he wants to be with you....Don't get me wrong, I know how hard it is to say no...but are YOU ok with just being friends with benifits?
I'm a junior in high school, too. You aren't the most typical american teen, but you're damn close to it. 95% of the things you admitted to, I've been through. That takes guts. Kudos for being real.
Hello. I don't think that I will ever be able to truly understand the feeling you must have been, and probably still are, going through. But I think that I might have a small idea of what it might be. In the society I live in, your post would be considered the ultimate betrayal to the reputation on a respectable family, and would mark the end of your life - literally in some cases!
I don't think this helped at all, but I really don't know what to say.
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